Gonna Quit Drivin’

feet-webAfter a few really hard days, physically and emotionally, I’m gonna quit driving this ‘bus’ for awhile.

The denial has left, reality hit hard, and I need to seek the quite spaces in the shadows. Too much lime-light for this one.  Kevin and I will ‘regroup’.  I will cherish time alone before God. And as energy returns, the grandkids will tumble onto the farm once again!

Sooner than later, this building will be only in our rear view mirror. For now, I need to focus on healing.

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Let me share this morning’s words from Sarah Young’s book “Jesus Calling”:

“Follow Me one step at a time. That is all I require of you. In fact, that is the only way to move through this space/time world. You see huge mountains looming, and you start wondering how you’re going to scale those heights. Meanwhile, because you’re not looking where you’re  going, you stumble on the easy path where I am leading you now. As I help you get back on your feet, you tell Me how worried you are about the cliffs up ahead. But you don’t know what will happen today, much less tomorrow. Our path may take an abrupt turn, leading you away from those mountains. There may be an easier way up the mountains than is visible from this distance. If I do lead you up the cliffs, I will equip you thoroughly for that strenuous climb. I will even give my angels charge over you, to preserve you in all your ways.  Keep your mind on the present journey, enjoying My Presence. Walk by faith, not by sight, trusting Me to open up the way before you.”

 

So that’s what I plan to do… and I admit, it’s not easy.  But entering a silent zone for a while will help my mind focus.  

Thanks for following along on my first steps.  The next ones will be quieter. 

License and Registration please…..

It has been a long time since I was pulled over and asked to show my ID.  (Hope I can keep it that way!)

After a few very hard days here with delayed side effects from Wednesday’s medicine, it’s easy to cave inward and feel fear. Last night while trying to find sleep, this song was coming to mind. All about my identity.  I am a child of the KING, because of what HE did. My focus needs to remain right there.

(I couldn’t get this video to embed, but you can click here to see it.)

Who Am I (by Casting Crowns)

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You’ve done
Not because of what I’ve done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I’m calling
Lord, You catch me when I’m falling
And You’ve told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

Not because of who I am
But because of what You’ve done
Not because of what I’ve done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I’m calling
Lord, You catch me when I’m falling
And You’ve told me who I am
I am Yours

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
‘Cause I am Yours
I am Yours

Fantastic Voyage

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Here I go with the Science Fiction once again!  Remember this movie from 1966?  A shrunken sub with scientists enter a human via the bloodstream, to attack an inoperable blood clot and save a life. I loved it…and I hear there might be a remake coming soon. Yea! I’ve been waiting for that.

This image came to mind during my second infusion yesterday….hooked up to a slow IV drip, thinking of the attacking going on inside my body.  Luckily the day went better than last week, and my heart didn’t race and try to leave the building. (Which is good, because I need it for a while longer.)  They were able to pick up the pace of the drip and get me finished quicker. So far so good, it just makes me really tired . Next Thursday we do it again.

It’s interesting learning how this all works, and that my own immune system will attack the intruder with a bit of help from this medicine.  It brings to mind the verse in Psalms: “I will praise YOU, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well.”  Psalm 139:13-15  

So thankful for a great team at the clinic, and I most treasure such a support of prayers!

Pixie Dust!

snow crystals

Looking out the dining room window this morning as we drank our coffee, I said to Kevin, “Look! There’s pixie dust in the air!”  The light was quite right, and snow crystals were just sparkling all around like a fairyland scene.  (And don’t ya just love those little bunny tracks?)

It reminded me of a book I am reading, titled ‘Wonderstruck…Awaken to the nearness of God’, by Margaret Feinberg. (you can check her link here.)

Let me quote a few of her words here, as she talks about a hike in the Scottish Highlands with a team on a spiritual expedition.  They  shared what their hopes were for the trip. She said…

“I’m praying for pixie dust. More than anything, what I long for is our God, the One who bedazzled the heavens and razzle-dazzled the earth, to meet us in such a way during our time in Scotland that we find ourselves awestruck by his goodness and generosity, his provision and presence. I’m praying for pixie dust. I want to leave here with a sense of wonderment as we encounter and experience things only God can do.”     –Margaret Feinburg

 

Divine expectation. Holy anticipation.  Please don’t let me miss the WONDER of each and every day!

ka-POW!

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Remember the Batman series of the ’60’s?  With the comic explosions of BLAM, POW, etc?  I was never a fan of the series, mostly because its debut was in the same time slot as my beloved Lost in Space series.  My older sister called dibs on the channel. I would have to agree with the Robot and say: “It does not compute”!   But the fighting ‘sounds’ are on my mind today, as my cells do battle!  GO Rituxan, you Caped Crusader!  Attack those villains!

A quick update on my first treatment yesterday.   All went well for the most part, after a speed bump.  It is a 4 hour infusion, plus an hour of pre-meds.  Each half hour they bump up the amount of the drug, and watch for any negative reactions.  On the second bump-up my heart started racing and pounding, so they had to shut things down for a while until I was back to a normal pulse. Then it continued on and I held steady.  The next bump brought a few heart flutters, I felt some racing begin, but then it settled down— with many felt prayers!  THANK YOU.  I came home very tired with a whopper headache. But rested and am feeling quite fine.  So….same time same place next week. Do it again. And drink gallons of water.

On my arrival in my room…there was waiting this beautiful spring bouquet (which the nurses said was a first to have flowers brought in for treatments!)… and a loan of an iPod with wonderful worship songs on it.  THANKS Patti and gang!! So sweet and appreciated! Along with another awesome gift of words, I was all set for my long day.  THANKS Alana!

song

Potholes, Rough roads, and….can’t I take a detour???

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Ok.  I am Digging. My. Heels. In.

Don’t want to travel any farther. (Uh oh, here comes my stubborn streak.)

Just hate the thought of toxic drugs dripping into my veins. (But, yes, I also hate the thought of cancer cells lurking and growing.)  But reading through the long list of side effects and possible allergic reactions is about to send me running down the hallway. Screaming. With my arms in the air.  I am trying hard to get a grip on the ONE GOOD side effect…the killing of the cancer… and focus on that.

I opened up a devotional book today by Sarah Young…(it was given to me as a gift…what a great book! ) And I just want to share what I was encouraged by.  Hope it does the same for you!

Let me prepare you for the day that stretches out before you. I know exactly what this day will contain, whereas you have only vague ideas about it. You would like to see a map, showing all the twists and turns of your journey. You’d feel more prepared if you could somehow visualize what is on the road ahead. However, there is a better way to be prepared for whatever you will encounter today: Spend quality time with Me. 

I will not show you what is on the road ahead, but I will thoroughly equip you for the journey. My living Presence is your Companion each step of the way. Stay in continual communication with Me, whispering My Name whenever you need to redirect your thoughts. Thus, you can walk through this day with your focus on Me. My abiding Presence is the best road map available.

Guess what book I am packing in my bag for tomorrow. 

Recalculating

Today held an excursion with two friends to the little ice caves a couple hours north of here. We’ve talked about going all winter, and finally set the date before it melts and returns to tiny streams in the sandstone. What a perfect day of sunshine and fun! And what a hike…over a mile through a field, into the woods, up and down slippery trails. But the destination was well worth it.

Actually FINDING the right place was an adventure itself. Kay’s GPS told us to head down roads that we KNEW weren’t right. Kathy printed out the wrong map. And I can’t tell my left from my right! Put that all together and you get the picture.  Wrong turns, false starts, and lots of cracking up!  Kathy exclaimed with a bit of desperation, “Can’t at least ONE of us have a sense of direction?!”

A stop at a local cafe for a cup ‘o soup and directions got us there. I hope you enjoy a few photos of our little U.P. ice caves.

Going over the day later at home, I was thinking about maps and plans and how we like to think we know where we are going, but then Garmen announces:  RECALCULATING.  And you are on a new path. Life is like that. We miss our turns, and are redirected. But we can trust that the destination will be glorious! God is good, and he holds the map.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”   Jeremiah 29:11

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways”, declares the Lord.         Isaiah 55:8

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Exhale…for now

Whew. What a stressful day, waiting to hear what is next.  Turned out to be what we had hoped for.

I can begin treatment next Wednesday with a drug called Rituxan, and then WAIT to see if Chemo will be needed later.  So I pray that I respond well to this medicine (which has risks of its own , but not quite as toxic as chemo would be).

The first infusion is 5 hours long….so a good book, and nice music will be packed in my Hobo bag. (AND snacks!)

We feel relieved. I feel undeserving, but so thankful.  Thank you all for prayers and your kind thoughts. It is so appreciated!!

jeremiah

 

Wayside

While we wait for Thursday’s appointment…(the test results and hopefully a clear plan of action)… I am pulling over to the side of the road for a while.

I am using this time to learn about nutrition.  I know that the outcome is in God’s hands, but I also believe that He gives us the responsibility to do what we can. Choices!  Feeding our bodies, treating them right, is so important in everyday life. It becomes even more crucial when dealing with illness. I am hoping  a good nutrition plan will augment the treatments.

I’m really not a junk food junkie to begin with, but now I’m going to watch things even closer, and add a few new twists.

Did you know that sugar feeds cancer cells??  Simply knowing that makes it quite easy to pass up that donut!  I do love my fruits and veggies….that will be an easy thing to bulk up on.  I bought a new juicer to add that element into the daily diet. (I am so impressed with this juicer! Much nicer than others I have used.)  Kale is a power food…. this week i roasted kale ‘chips’, and sautéed it with taters. Yummy.  Can’t wait for the asparagus to pop up. Garlic will also be a daily ‘treat’.  I  quarter a clove, and swallow it like a vitamin. (No vampires around here!) Green tea and raw nuts… increased.

I am open to ideas from others who have researched the cancer/nutrition connection.  God has provided us with a wide variety of good things to eat!  Recipes welcome!

(I just read a good reminder in an “Eating Well” magazine: “If it wasn’t FOOD 100 years ago, it isn’t food today!” )

food